rrTr the unofficial hull kingston rovers webzine
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EDDIE PALACE |
DERBY DAY NIGHT
THURSDAY NIGHT for a Derby!!!
There, that's my rant over with about that little bit of nonsense.
Bouncing through town after work to meet at FETs pad, I sensed that a corker of a match was due to ensue that evening. The atmosphere was building to a fever pitch outside Horners as one dazed and confused vagrant threatened to get a round in!!
Quick change into the 80s retro kit and it was off to OEG for a couple of sneck lifters to whet the whistle. We managed to get a quick look at the Open up at St Andrews on the gogglebox and I had to titter as I realised that my nephew was there for the week - hope he had his brolly with him? "Stupid git" snorted FET out of the window towards a passing FC kit, and I was about to join in when I realised that beating up an 11 year old wouldn't look good on my CV!!
Meeting Hitler back at FETs it was a quick jaunt to the Lair to meet with RU (who was celebrating his beards 1st birthday!) and the quichemaster himself Ali G. We all felt confident - especially after the news had filtered through about Funkygibbon missing for the B & Ws!
Setting off at a decent trot we hit the KFC stadium well before KO and settled on Lovegrove corner again (named in honour of Big Bob himself and that marvellous 2 try haul back in 2007 he gleened in that famous 6 - 42 victory). Hold on, what was this I thought to myself? Rovers had not only signed Jedward, but were playing the pair of them as well!!
Phew - I soon realised it was only Clintybaby and Wolfie.
The game started and what a corker it indeed turned out to be. OK - Rovers came up just short on the night and but for a great tackle by young Briscoe we could have sneaked it right at the death! I always think that the team going into the Derby after a poor performance the week before gets really fired up and so FC proved again. If we had played as we did against Leeds we would have won but we never hit those heights did we?
My Eddie Palace MOM for the game though goes to that Blonde adonis Wolfie of the Wing who I thought was superb and but for that already mentioned tackle, would have been sensational for us on the night! He cleared his lines with aggression and put in a great hit on Yeaman and I thought thoroughly deserved massive plaudits from us all - sometimes the fairy tale ending just doesn't happen though!
I also thought that young Liam Watts again looked like a future star and played like a seasoned internatioanl and not a 20 year old!
Leaving the ground it was nice to hear that both sets of fans still have that carefree banter going between themselves - my particular favourite being "Get stuffed 4 eyes" from a bloke in his 40s to another similarly aged opposition fan - the irony being of course that he too was wearing glasses!!
Not being of a similar disposition, me and FET decided to blow the froth a couple in Clarendon after the game - it wasn't planned. Just seemed the honourable thing to do after the massed B & Ws chanted 'losers' at us as we sauntered passed!! All good fun.
Heading back into town and meeting up with the boys again I overheard them talking about the 25 turds in West Hull. "Tut, tell me about it I said. I was on Hessle Road earlier and had to dodge a lot more than that - I'd rub the bloody dog owners noses in it if I saw them doing it. And there are a lot more than 25 too!"
"Eddie - calm down" they all said. "We're talking about the 25 TOADS that have sprung up around Hull this week"!!
"Oh" I said. "Thank God for that - I saw some earlier and thought that the Sneck Lifter had sent me over the top!"
My favourite is the astronaut one at the Interchange!!
Deciding to exit stage left rather quickly I parted with £1.99 for a deli of the day at McDs and then waited for the start of the 11-30 Interchange Grand Prix - known to you and me as the last Holderness Road buses for the night!! I couldn't stop the 32, as it had already reached 80 mph in reverse and so had to settle for throwing an OAP under the 51 otherwise it was an expensive taxi fare home!
Although we had lost I had had an enjoyable evening and cheered myself up by thinking we would settle for beating them in the play-offs instead :)
Onwards and upwards - lets put a 100 points passed them sorry Bulls on Saturday, even with Jedward in the team.
Edwardo xx
Running Late with Palace Cabs
Firstly, may I apologise from the heart of my bottom for the lack of tripe forthcoming to you all out there in Robin World over the last few weeks. What with sickness bugs, holidays and a dodgy laptop I've been cursing my recent luck!!
Anyway, it was a sense of anticipation and excitement that filled my loins as I got Palace Cabs ready for the jaunt over to the Wildcats on Sunday. The quiche-master had sent me a snap of his latest creation on Saturday night to get the taste buds tingling and the fare had been booked for 12-30 PM from Sutton upon Spain.
I of course was in the driving seat alongside that other Eddie (Irvine) with Senor Kingo and Uncle Fet behind me and Ali G with Waldorf bringing up the rear (I did wonder what all the groaning was from the back of the wagon!!)
Stopping to take on board the Quiche, I was quickly covered in magnetic Rovers badges directly outside coach Justin's pad! I saw the curtains twitch as an AK-47 slowly protruded from the upstairs window and fired - only narrowly missing Ali Gs moustache! And I sensed a long afternoon was on the cards as I had to endure the first back seat "Oooooohhhhhh" as I sped away from the garage forecourt at 5 mph much to the shagran of Ali G!!
I don't know what the conditions were like in Hull, but in the Cab it was very windy and nearly matched the blustery conditions outside! Getting to Junction 31 of the M62 and turning off towards Wakey I managed to take the obligatory wrong road and was asked by Ali G if I needed his sat nav? "The only problem with that" we all said "is that it will only get you to the nearest fridge!"
Parking up near to the Wakefield Horse Sanctuary I had to make sure I didn't step in anything recently deposited by the mangy scraggy haired fiend - but thankfully Shirts had parked in a different location!
It was at this point that Eddie Irvine (Lee) told us he often spent many a holiday under a bridge on the nearby dual carriageway, seeing the deckchairs lined up alongside the car wash we didn't know whether to believe him or not!!
Unfortunately for Wakefield Trinity I won't be supporting their next Super League license application. I mean, any ground that doesn't have a pub in the vicinity is a shambles and needs immediately relocating! We ended up downing a couple in the local WIMPY and it was here that Gav remarked on the lady in the purple dress "nice Baps" - although I don't think she was actually employed there!!
Beating a hasty retreat to the ground we tried our latest Reservoir Dogs routine, although I don't know what colour any of us would best be suited to - Mr Pasty and ill looking perhaps for myself?
To the match itself, and I thought the boys were superb (albeit for a number of early knock ons) and we certainly deserved to win handsomely even with Mick Vella in the side (handsomely, get it!!)
There were many cracking performers but I must say that Ben Cockayne was simply outstanding at Full Back and would have won the MOM from jusy about everybody at the game. Well done lads - keep it up.
Heading back to the car I just couldn't wait for the delights of Ali Gs quiche. But what was this - he had succumbed to the charms of the local Nag and fed the bloody thing instead of us! From now on I thought - he would be called Ali GG. But of course, he had only been toying with us and we all got a share!
Back on the M62 without any wrong turns and I offered the chaps the silky smooth tones of Mr Neil Diamond on the gramaphone! How interesting it was to hear the lyrics to 'I am, I said' re-written to the B'low version and sung by Kingo and FET!!
Half way home we were passed on the outside by Messrs Cooke and King and if only I could have kept up with them to see which turn off they used to get to PARKERS!!
It had been a splendid day I thought as I turned into the drive at Palace Towers and thought could we pull off a shock on Friday by turning over the Whinos? We shall see :)
For Rally Round the Robins this is Eddie Palace signing off for this week with a spring in his step and a quiche in his belly!!
xx
Editors warning
If you book PALACE TAXIS 105-105 allow 20 mins for late arrival.
CRUSADERS home
Oh well, at least we had the chance to put things right against Crusaders on Sunday.
Looking over the Crusaders side I noticed that Gareth Raynor was included on the wing - I wondered if this was B Wing or C Wing? He was obviously in the team (pending his court appearance for an e-bay photocopier ink scam) as they were trying for 'back to back' victories!! He had passed a late fitness test following a slight 'cartridge scam' - or was that cartlidge scan, I couldn't quite hear!! Or was he just included as a 'loose Canon' - oh dear, the jokes just get worse!
Anyway, now we know who supplied the ink for the pen Paul Cooke used to sign his FC contract a few years ago!!
He was sentenced to 15 months in the clink, so should be out in time for the next Crusaders victory!
Also in their team was a certain Gareth Thomas, who apparently has stated that he hasn't come to Rugby League for an 'easy ride' - unlike Gareth Raynors cell mate!!
Rovers team selection was interesting for the game, with Clintybaby in the centre's - we all informed Gav of this news en masse as you all know what a big fan he is!! This must have been too much for the Golden Girls who deserted us in their droves upon hearing this news and fearing what the next 80 minutes might bring forth from Gav!!
And what about FC getting stuck in southern France 'cos of that Ash cloud? I didn't think it affected donkeys!
There has been a similar Ash cloud over East Hull recently preventing me from getting to work! Mrs Eddie opened a few tins of corned beef to make a Dry Ash and burnt the bloody thing - so now there is a no flying zone over Sutton 'cos of a Corned Beef Ash cloud!!
So, to the match itself and I thought that the boys were back up to speed and looking hungry again for the victory. Slaps on the back to all the players and coach but the coveted EP MOM this week goes to that new Ginger Maestro - Kris Welham for an outstanding display throughout. A locally produced Ginner, so all the more reason to smile about his performance.
Now for my next statement you are going to think I'm bonkers, and if you've ever seen Mrs Eddie I can't dispute that!!
Having lost 0-54 only 3 weeks ago, I have a slight feeling in my water that the boys could turn this around and spring a surprise - yes, we may get a drop goal and only lose 1-54!! Seriously, we surely can't be as bad again - can we?
Me and FET are trundling down to Clivvys to watch the said match on his steam powered SKY HD (Horse Drawn) tele!!
Get the pizzas in Clivvy - I need the calories for the race on Sunday morning around the streets of HULL - watch out for me, I'll be the one being carried over the finish line in a rick-shaw!!!
C'MON THE ROBINS - stick it up them Saints!
For rrtr - this is Eddie Gabresallasse running in NIKE hobnails x
PALACE TAXIS
10 5 10 5
"Bloke on the phone wants to make a booking for Bradford", came the call from Mrs Eddie from the back door down to the potting shed!! I put down my perrenials and shot to the phone - "Which part?" I queried. "All of me" came the response!! "Which part of Bradford?" I enquired again. "Hostel" came the short and rather curt reply! "Which hostel?" (fearing I had received a call from a comedian who had had a few too many!) "Hostel - where Bradford Northern play!".
So it was that Palace Taxis (10 5 10 5) took it's first full paying fare! I was soooo excited that I forgot I still had my mud laden wellies on and danced a jig on the living room carpet.
Making sure that I had placed my new metallic stickers on the doors I set off in anticipation of a brave new dawn in the world of corporate travel! Bloody hell - first pick up was Eddie Irvine, complete with brolly and still tickling his joggers nipple! I'd been had!! Next stop - you've guessed it, Senor Kingo in Sutton Upon Spain!! To Vicky Dock for Fred West and finally Holiday Inn for Uncle FET, who had the stance of a man who had gone too long without a beer!!
As Palace Taxis trundled down the A63 towards Bradford I made my first move on the CD front and blasted out that new release from an up and coming pair 'The Best of Wham'!! I had 'em rocking in the aisles to classics such as Last Christmas and Last Christmas!!
To make sure I didn't make a complete idiot of myself I had written down the directions to Bradford Northern's ground on a piece of Smart Price notepad, and having Eddie Irvine in the Navigators chair was a wise move by me - or so I thought! I don't think he quite grasped the concept of giving directions as he only passed comment after I had already taken a wrong turning! Anyway, only 3 U-turns later and we hit the ground - so to speak.
Leaving his brolly in the taxi, Eddie Irvine commented on how he wouldn't be needing it on such a lovely day - Mmmmmmmm!!
Into the ground for a quick chat and to take in the atmosphere I treated myself to a diet coke!
Then the heavens opened and poor Mr Irvine got wet, along with the rest of us (but we hadn't left a brolly in the car!)
The game itself was best forgotten - only Ben Cockayne coming out with any credit from a very poor performance.
The highlight of the match, it was agreed by all - was the Southern Fried Chicken chick in the tight white top and Bobby Dazzler jeans, who just about managed to get into them with room to spare - CORRRRRRRR!!
Back to the Palace Taxi with haste and my first full publicity shoot, it certainly had the Bradford Northern fans around us looking on in bemusement.
Maybe they couldn't work out why 5 Rovers fans, after watching our very well beaten team could laugh so much and be having such a good time!! Well, we don't live in Bradford would probably be the best reason!! WARRINGTON home So, the big spenders from across the pennines strode into town on Sunday looking for a double in Kingston-Upon-Hull!! Well, you know that I don't like to gloat, BUT - what a job we did on the Wire or what? View all the London pics Click here The other Palace in London
Setting off back to Hull (without any U-turns!) we listened to Radio Humberside and all the idiots who were calling for heads to roll and who hadn't even been to the match - pathetic!! Having said that, Humberside then played the season's highlights from our promotion winning season - and we all remembered where we had come from and why we love Rovers no matter what.
Reaching for the CD bag again, Sir Bert Millichip pulled out a quality 78 - The WHO!!
FET then received a text from dear old Fletch - who reminded us that the last time we lost 4-40 at Odsal, a certain young starlet had scored our only try on the day - whatever happened to Malcolm Beall?
So - all in all, a successful first full fare for Palace Taxis (10 5 10 5) and I can't wait for the next fare to ring up (even if it is this band of renegades!!)
Love to all Rovers fans - wherever in the world you may be.
Eddie Palace (10 5 10 5 Taxis) x
FOOTNOTE - I would like to dedicate this weeks piece to Corben, a young Robin who very sadly passed away last week aged just 8. To those who knew and loved him he will be sadly missed, and to those who didn't get the chance to meet with him I would just like to say what a very brave and courageous little boy you were - God bless x
Having spent the morning with Eddie Junior feeding a few scraggy horses on the field near to Palace Towers, I was ready for the BIG game at the theatre of hate! And for one shocking moment when I took my place on the terracing, I thought that one of the scraggy horses had followed me in - only after a few seconds did I realise that it was Matt King!!
Gav showed me his snaps from the London trip and the Golden Girls kept their sweeties to themselves whilst the tension for the kick off built to a fever pitch. Glancing across at Tommo in his unusual attire, I wondered if it was a Max Wall tribute afternoon as he had tight black pants on! Either that or the old Rockford Files had struck him again! No wonder Clivvy (his daddy) wore a disguise with the words 'He's not wiv me' emblazened on it!!
What can I say about the performance from the boys? Awesome? Superb? Tremendous? Probably all 3! Warrington were their usual bully boy nasties, with Westwood aiming for anything above the shoulders (how come he always gets away with it?). My EP MOM this week is maybe a tad controversial - Wolfie. Not just for his all round wonderful effort but for flicking the Vs at the chasing defender as he chased away for his 2nd try!! Maybe he shouldn't have done it - but hey, it was only Warrington so up theirs!!
Recently, FET has been playing around with the Rovers players names to make them sound like American TV stars - Wake Jebster and Brawn Siscoe to name but 2!! Only after scoring his try did I point out to FET that poor old Matt Cook might not want the same to be done with his name!!
And on the subject of Awesome, Superb and Tremendous - these are just 3 superlatives that I cannot use about Tommos attempt at retrieving the match ball as it flew into the terraces! Leaping like a young salmon, he wiped out half of the Golden Girls, Neil Rudd and a passing seagull who was swooping down for a discarded bag of chips!
Not wanting to rub it in by staying for a beer, I headed for the faithful old tricycle to meander home in a rugby enduced haze - only to find myself behind 3 Wire fans bemoaning their hard 3 games in a week and how they could afford to lose this one! I couldn't handle this tripe so mentioned that having splashed the old cash, they should have easily beaten little old Hull Kingston Rovers. And what did they think we had been doing for the last week - sunbathing at Tunstall beach!! Pillocks!!
To all those travelling to Huddersfield on Sunday - please spare a thought for old Eddie as I will be supervising 35 little 4 year olds at Eddie Juniors birthday party!! So, not only can I not go, I can't even watch it on the TV!!!
I'd LOVE a trip to Wembley so c'mon the boys - do it for Eddie.
See you all at Bradford - hopefully Palace Cabs will be back on the move!!
Edwardo x
The possee had assembled and we were ready for boarding - luckily I had brought all the essentials we needed! The sun was shining and as the red wine flowed and the Kenneth McKellers were opened I asked the burning question of our age - "Where do we all stand on the 'More than a Woman' song, Tavares or The Bee Gees? I'm very pleased to report that Tavares were the outright winners!
We soon hit Doncaster station where I treated the assembled throngs to a remarkable rendition of Roy Orbisons 'Pretty Woman' - but in the style of Mr Rigsby! "The Big Oaf" someone quipped!
Back on the train and on the way to Kings Cross it soon became apparent that Gav's 'Star Trek' phone tones would keep Eddie amused for the full trip - and so it turned out! We ran out of beer just before Finsbury Park and then ran out of track! The train stopped and we couldn't get off either - bloody trains. A good 30 minutes later we finally made a move and hit the Big Smoke.
Getting the Tube we headed for Vauxhall and the train to Twickers - and what an entertaining trip this turned out to be! FET got sat opposite a drunken sarnie snaffler who could only open one eye and Gav struck up conversation with Joe Pasquale's long lost twin, who kept looking to the top of the train for low flying elephants! Obviously as mad as a box of frogs as he thought that we were all the players for the big match on Monday!
So, to the digs for the night and we marched our way to the Bremic B and B - great location but that was about it I'm afraid! Rooms allocated (I got with FET and Al) and a quick change ready for the evenings festivities was preceded by a spot of TV! No, not The Weakest Link but Al's Toffee Vodka! Sounds disgusting but it was actually quite nice and made my toes curl too!!
Meeting for our rendezvous at The Cabbage Patch, Waldorf and Statler couldn't stop laughing at poor Gav - it would seem that his shower only produced cold water as they had used all the hot stuff!
The evening turned out to be a decent affair - the usual for a gaggle of wild geese on tour you might suggest! A few beers in various hostelries followed by a Ruby Murray in the local nosebag. We took a few snaps on the way, but why do I always look like I've expired about 30 minutes before on every snap?
Crashing into bed after midnight, FET couldn't resist putting the TV on (NO, not the Toffee Vodka but the actual portable TV in the room) and we ended up watching the Odd Couple 2 with Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau, but it could quite easily have been me and Al (who ended up in the Double!) I should mention at this point that RU ended up in a room of his own which meant the poor sod had nobody to talk to all night!!
Rising from the Curry enduced haze in our room around 7, FET had to quickly move towards the latrine to dispense with the previous evenings bile just as Al had decided to take a well earned dump (his backside had been firing warning shots across my bows all night anyway!) I managed to snap FET at this point, Al amusingly pointing out that he thought it was Sigourney Weaver in the film Gorillas in the Mist!!
I was first in the breakfast room and so downed the full jug of orange juice before anyone else could get near it and also I managed to get the only luke warm sausage and beans on offer!! Egon Ronay eat your heart out!
Being a cultured bunch we took a stroll down to the Thames to take in the view and watch the local rowers doing their stuff before finding a lovely little Spanish Tapas cafe for a nice cultured coffee and chat. Finally, after half an hour of that rubbish the pubs were open and we trotted off to the William Webb Ellis for a drop of the hard stuff!
Unfortunately, Killer had already beaten us to it and was in mid 'Oooooohhhhh Yeeeeaaaahhhhhh' as we walked in! Apparently, the night before he had been to see Thriller in the West End but had walked out at 'HT', tut!
Confusion reigned at the bar as to what to order (apart from a peg each for the unusual aromas being dispensed by us all) but eventually Al went for the Lager, I settled on a refined Merlot and FET had a Bloody Mary!! The pub soon filled up with Rovers fans and a jolly nice atmosphere it was too. By 12 the LUFC fans amongst us got itchy feet and so it was off back to The Fox to watch the game and renew acquaintances with the scouse barmaid from the previous night. Emma was a lovely girl and managed to get a photo taken with Al and FET for her pains.
It was soon time to leave and make our way to the Stoop. I couldn't help but notice high in the branches of the trees were several pairs of Parakeets making a right din as well. I wondered, as I looked skywards whether the birds were thinking the same thing - "Look, there's a pair of geeks making a right din" I could hear them saying to each other!
Passing a local rugby emporium, we noticed an old dummy modelled on Gav (or was it the other way round) and just had to keep it for posterity.
Into the ground after a long walk (in which I failed to negotiate a sleeping policeman - much to FETs amusement) and more beer!
The usual hordes of Rovers fans had made the trip and a good atmosphere was in the air, even allowing for previous game defeat! Al's lad (Josh) had joined us by now and was treating us all to his unusual hair flick, but what can I say - I don't have a follicle on my bonce anywhere!
To our seats and a one sided 1st hafe meant we were 22-0 up and cruising, time for another beer then!
Pretty much the same in the second hafe and to reach 50+ points was very satisfying for all us faithful fans who had made the trip, well done boys.
The EP MOM? Well, for scoring 4 tries it had to go to Kris Welham obviously.
Thankfully, after getting in the way of our drinking time the rugby finished and it was back into the bar, to be treated to a live band and some not too bad songs too! By now the beer was taking it's toll on a few of us, and when Gav told me that I could ' change it in the wink of a fist' (referring to my match report) I guessed the trip home could become a long one!!
The players started to make their way past us and so we collared a few of them for some snaps and when Shaun Briscoe asked "Have you seen David Mills?" I responded with the obvious "Not seen him all season Shaun!"
Getting into the players bar we managed to collar even more of the poor unsuspecting players and even Big Bob's mum got in on the act! Big Bob was curious as to how he got his name and so FET explained the reason - no excuses now Rhys for not smiling at us when we shout it! Poor old David Howes was just about to make a quick escape when I thrust one in his face - a rrtr card that is and another photo opportunity beckoned.
By now, my rugby instincts were kicking in and so I just had to get out on the paddock to show the southern softies how to kick at goal. Luckily, a group of 8 year olds were practising their blood tablet skills on the pitch and so I steamed in and nicked one of their rugby balls - lining up just like Jonny, I took an age over a wide out conversion and managed to majestically sneak it over the 25 yard line whilst pulling a hamstring!! Oh well.
All too quickly the day had gone and we had to head back to KX for the 8-00 PM train home. Bidding fond farewells to Al and Josh at some point on the journey we stopped off in Waterloo Station for a giant pastie and the best album cover shot of the possee you will ever see (I took it unfortunately so didn't get on!) Hello to young Joseph at this point who became an honorary member of rrtr when Gav tripped him up and forced him to pose for the camera!
So that was it then - soon at KX and on the train with just memories of another trip 'darn sarf' to take with us. I'm sure I've missed loads of funnies that occurred during the 2 days but I've done my best. Thanks to Al though for collecting the best one liner for his quick thinking when the Harlequins mascot (a horse called Buck) came and sat in front of us at the start of the game "The buck stops here then" had me giggling for ages!
I hope Gav got his water leak sorted, none of us won the correct score or 1st try scorer, please don't book the Bremic again and most importantly of all - can we do it all again next season?!
For rrtr this is Burgess Meredith soundalike Eddie Palace signing off with a "C'mon Rocky"!!
When Eddie met Bowie
So - the Easter weekend started with a trip to the City Hall to see a LIVE concert for me and Mrs Eddie.
The Eddie Juniors were shipped out to the in-laws for the night and I'd put on my best bib and tucker for what promised to be a great occasion. Unbeknown to Mrs Eddie I had caught sight of the tickets for the night and spotted B Knight on them! HUSSAR - I loved the Baron Knights when I was a kid! Especially that timeless classic "Where are you all coming from? We're from Dartmoor on the run"!
I'd stashed a convict suit in a NETTO carrier to change into during a convenience stop and went charging back to my seat when I heard the Intro song, only to find Beverley Knight on stage instead - I was gutted!! Even Ali G sending me a text of his latest culinary master piece failed to cheer me up as Mrs Eddie thought it was a pizza!!
At least I got a lie-in until 6-45 on Good Friday morning!!
It might be a little early to crack open a bottle of Merlot but I couldn't resist and it isn't often I get the chance to live a little with the Juniors being away!! Derby Day is special after all.
It seemed to take ages for the clock to tick round to 10-00 AM but eventually it did and I set off for CP with a bottle of Kenneth McKeller in hand to ease the strain of walking all that way!!
Today was the official launch day of the new rrtr T-Shirt, and to unveil this essential fashion item we decided to invite a world renowned celebrity to do the honours. Unfortunately, Joe Longthorne was busy rehearsing for a new hair style, so we ended up inviting my old mucker off Greatfield David Bowie to do the honours
I asked him what he thought our chances were today "Rovers don't need to make too many changes. I'm an absolute beginner but we should put them under pressure and if we do that we'll be dancing in the street!" Mmmmmm!! Well done David, you were the best act at LIVE AID!!
Yet again, it wasn't a classic game, but with the closeness of the scores it meant that the fans were always kept interested! I suppose they were a little agrieved after last seasons games so fairs fair! And to show that I didn't hold any grudges against them I ran alongside the Hull team coach as it left CP blowing them kisses and offering to become their father as I understood that a few of them were fatherless!!
My MOM from the game goes to Ben Cockayne - can't think of anyone else who stood out really!!
To the next match then, and a trip to Londonium to see the boys take on the mighty Quinns. I hope that all the Quinns fans (Quentin and Richard and the other 3) are ready for us 'cos we are gonna take the place by storm!! And I hope the pasties are in the oven and cooking!! The B and B is booked and the feet warmers for Al are on order so it's all systems go!!
So after a not very Good Friday I hope we don't get a Blue Monday!!
See ya down there - Edwardo Palazzo x
Eddies Update
It seems sooo long since I posted my last MOM report from the Castleford game - Eddie has been busy decorating and putting bedroom furniture together!!
What a roller-coaster few days it has been as well for the Robins!
Beating St Helens, throwing it away against Wakey, Cookie leaving, Fletch becoming an octogenarian and finally winning away at Leeds - you couldn't write it, but I'll try!
Looking back to the Saints match and in a cracking game we managed to come out on top, the final few minutes of pressure that we put them under proving too much for the visitors to withstand. Some cracking performances from the lads in this one from Big Bob Lovegrove and The Fish, but for his hat-trick of tries the MOM goes to Liam Colbon. A second win in a week and we all thought the tide had turned!!
So, to Wakefield at home on the Friday night and the first 40 minutes left us thinking we would win easy - OH NO!!! I can't say what happened to the boys in that second half with the performance that they put in, but at least it wasn't Live on national TV!! Mmmmmm.
It all proved too much for the Golden Girls, who couldn't cope with Gavs view on life and unfortunately it all descended into mayhem. I don't think the cheap eclairs will be coming our way in the future - unless they have been laced with arsenic!! A few expletives were bandied about between the two parties which I cannot repeat here! The good news is that I have been in touch with RELATE and they think that there is room for optimism and there is no need to file for divorce just yet, PHEW!
Unfortunately, I couldn't make it to Headingley Carnage on Friday night, as Mrs Eddie had lined up another full weekend of DIY for me whilst she went out!! I followed the match on Sky and Text and was chuffed to bits when it was confirmed that the boys had won. Apparently, it was 1985 when we last won there in the league (Live Aid, Heysel, etc) so it certainly was overdue!
Following the Cup draw, which paired us away to Huddersfield, I was going to take a chance and go to the match even though it is on TV. But, Mrs Eddie has come to my rescue yet again! Having checked the fixture list and noticed that we don't have a game, she has booked a birthday party for Eddie Junior on the same day and at the same time! Then she informed me that she has forked out for a load of party people to come along to entertain the assembled kids!! Oh joy!!
I won't be going to France this weekend so to all of you who are going, have a great time and sink a few beers for me (try not to pinch the players drinks though, that's another story!!)
So, for me the next game is the derby match on Good Friday - do I need to say anything?
I'll also be going to London for the Harlequins game on Easter Monday, so watch out you Southerners - 'ere we come!!
Best wishes to all Robins around the world - Eddie x
All aboard Eddies Express to Cas
I was that excited to be whisking the boys off to Cas', that I even put some petrol in the tank and blew up the tyres!!
The Limo was ready - back seats were up, the CDs were selected and most importantly of all, the bottle top opener was alongside the case of beer!
I'd been waiting for this day for a long time, since Friday at least! I knew the boys would be apprehensive, so to calm their nerves I did an introduction sheet so we'd all know who was in the hearse. Of Course, in the front were the two Eddies (Palace and Irvine), middle row we had Senor Kingo and Uncle FET, and smooching on the back row were Fred West and Sid the Sexist! I have to tell you, since RU professed to wanting to be a serial killer it is very off-putting to see him in my rear view mirror salavating like Hannibal Lector whenever I caught his eye!!
Finally, I thought, this was the day I had been waiting for all my life - I could now enter 'Whacky Racers' and have a fair chance of winning!
So, the boys were safely loaded onboard and off we set. Being a young and trendy type the first CD on offer was the 'Ministry of Sound' electronic 80s which stayed on until the Twickers International kicked off at 4-00. I thought at one point that I was listening to the Grand National as Tommy Bowe chased down the track, but apparently that is an Irish rugby player's real name, how odd!!
Anyway, as soon as the Paddy's scored I binned that and returned to the theme of young and trendy on the CD front - 'Best of Dean Martin'!! Classic stuff.
All too quickly we hit Cas' and after finding a safe place to park FET and Kingo decided to look over the latest offers in the local Carpet shop!!
AH, different kind of Rug is needed by these two I realised!!
Anyway, to the ale house for a quick slurp and then across the road to meet up with Ticketmaster and Shirts, who had travelled there in Crap Cabs! By the way Gav, did you want the train times to Leeds direct or change at Selby?
My god, it was time to make our way to the ground already, but before we could get out of the grounds of the pub, FET couldn't resist auditioning for the next PG Tips advert along with Kingo!! I have to say, it isn't the first time I've seen FET with a spare tyre!
Into the ground and I couldn't believe my nasal passages, the waft of some culinary delight met me full on! Was James Martin in the ground? No, silly me - it was just the bloody Burger Bar again, and us athletic rugby fans just can't resist can we! Face fed, we moved behind the sticks that Rovers were attacking in order to cheer the boys on but unfortunately, for the first 10 minutes or so our voices didn't manage to carry the 92 metres to where they were actually stood!! Oh dear, we were 10-0 down and looking out of sorts again, another Wigan I thought.
But then, like a Rapier missile, Scotty produced a 40 - 20 of God like proportions from which he then forced his way over for a try - would this clinch him the coveted Eddie P Man of the Match? Wait and see - because before much longer we were in front, as Dobbo latched onto a perfectly weighted (as described by Sid) grubber to touch down under our sticks! I was in heaven, and duly ran to the Gents to celebrate, in some style I might add!
The hooter blew as we attacked their line and being in West Yorkshire, we knew that the whole of the town of Castleford would make their way to our end of the ground! We pulled a sly one and went against the tide, ending up behind the sticks at the other end, but this time with a roof!
A pulsating 2nd hafe ensued, when again we conceded 10 unanswered points, going behind 12-20. But, just as all seemed lost we conjured up a try out of nothing as Kris kindly dived over the ball to allow Ben to score, and with Dobbo's precise kick we were back in it at 18-20. It was thrilling stuff, even the Cas' fans interrupted their beer drinking to shout abuse at anyone in a Rovers shirt - on or off the pitch!!
It would come down to one magical moment of inspiration as to who would take the spoils!
6 minutes on the clock and Dobbo puts through a little grubber, it comes back off a Cas' leg towards the on-rushing Liam Watts, who bends his back and picks it up before diving majestically over the line to score the winning try - is how it should have read!! In reality, Liam drops the ball, but with tremendous hand to eye co-ordination he managed to get a hand back on the ball just as it drops to terra ferma, I was gutted! You see, I was convinced (along with every Cas' fan around me) that young Watts had infact knocked on. But, what was this, Bentham has gone to the video ref! I can't believe it I thought, the more I watch the replays, the more it looks like a try! Hey Hey, it was a try! And how I laughed as it was awarded!
Unfortunately, for the assembled throngs of Pauline Calf look-a-likes around us, it wasn't such a laughing matter! Cries of "Cheating, Scum, Bar-Stewards" and "You lot have never seen a rugby pitch between you" led me to believe that they hadn't taken the decision well! FET asking the ladies if they had permission to leave their kitchens didn't enhance the feelings of warmth towards us!
Finally, for one old-timer stood behind us, 60 years of frustration about referees decisions became too much, and he asked Kingo how much we had paid the bent Bar Steward for the match? "Well", said Kingo quick as a flash, "I live next door and washed his car this morning"! That was it, the old guy ran off shouting "I knew it, they've been bent since 1948!"
To the victors the spoils, as they say and to show we have no hard feelings towards the Pauline triplets, FET offered a cordial invitation to Craven Park for the return fixture!!
Back to the ale house to allow the traffic to calm down, and I overheard the chaps talking about the barman in the pub and how he used to be a rugby player, and a decent one at that! "Who is he", I enquired? Apparently, he comes from Cas' and used to play for them and the black and whites too. He was a forward who could kick goals - got it. I always know a face I thought, it's Sammy (outside toilet) Llyod! I often wondered what he looked like under that dodgy perm!
"NO", said Kingo, "Look again". "It's that famous name family from Hull - Crooks". Too right, I thought - a pound for a small tube of Pringles - bloody criminal! I stared for a while, then suddenly realised who it was. "It's Les" I said, "Les Crooks, the famous barman!" I was so thrilled to see Les that I managed to persuade him to stop pulling a shandy to have his photo taken with us!
Back to the hearse to finish off a memorable evening with a jovial trip home - "EDDIE", I hear you cry - "Who won the MOM?"
Well, for his match winning try and overall splendid performance - this week it goes to young Liam Watts. And to just confirm this, we had The Jam blasting out on the M62 with "Wish I could be like Liam Watts - ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba"!!
Eddie's Express will re-convene later in the season - if you fancy joining us just drop us a line at
Judith.Chalmers@toomuchmakeup.co.uk
Can't wait for Sunday - bring on those Saints.
Rally Round - Edwardo x
Have we scored yet?
No honestly, I don't think we would have scored a try if we had played all week!! We were firing more blanks than the Vasectomy Club of Great Britain!! One of the Golden Girls rather aptly stated I should write up the 'Pillock of the Week'!! Although she was wittering on about her arthritis and her audition as a stuntman by leaping off ladders!
Any positives?
Well, FC lost.... and, Billy Joel Clinton appeared singing 'Fartown Girl' in the Parker Lounge! But in the main we were crap!
I knew the omens were not good when Rovers ran out onto the pitch and the mascot refused to run out onto the pitch with them! He obviously knew what was coming.
I don't think I'm gonna go again! In protest, I have torn up Mrs Eddie's season pass to Cholmley Street Club so she will have to find her fun elsewhere. I was gonna tear up my season pass, but seeing as though it is now like a credit card I couldn't manage it and only finished up ripping my finger nail in half!
And what the hell is that car park like? Eddie Junior was quizzing me today about how many wild boar had I trapped due to the state of the Palace wagon. I had to tell him that I've only managed to bag one bore in the past and if he wanted to see it, she gives him his brekkie every morning!!
As I'm due to drive to Cas' on Saturday night with the boys filling out the Palace Limo, I will have to give it the once over before setting off. "Petrol", check. "Tyres", check. "Beer and Pasties", check. We would have had the famous Ali G quiche, but the wimp has dipped out (couldn't face cooking us a monster!)
"C'mon" I hear you ask - who the heck is this weeks Eddie P MOM. OK, I can't keep you waiting any longer.
It is..................... OH sod it, Tommo (for deciding not to bother going)!!!
I can't think of a player who stood out on the pitch, it wasn't a lack of effort - just a basic lack of ability to master the conditions and the opposition!
As my old mucker Windsor Davies would say "Oh dear, how sad, never mind"!!
So, to Cas' then! I'm really looking forward to it (am I mad?) Just watch out for a large hearse with a Golden Trilby on the roof!
The idiot driving is me.
COME ON YOU REDS, COME ON YOU REDS!!
Lets raise the roof and show the boys we care - RALLY ROUND.
Eddie x
WIGAN away
So the afternoon was booked off work, I braved the number 32 chav wagon into town, downed a whale and chips with the chaps in Stanleys and washed it down with a pint in Whittington and Cat! What a great start to what promised to be a great night in Wigan, cheering the boys onto another famous win. Mmmmmmmm!
We jumped in the Sandy Mobile outside Smiff and Neffew and headed off into the setting sun fully armed with a bottle top opener and a few Stellas. Soon passing the Adge armada on the M62 it was great to see Adge giving the faithful a rendition of his Bernard Manning tribute act! The inevitable road works and smashed cars meant it was the best part of 3 hours getting across the pennines!
Sandy, the erstwhile rally driver, apparently knows the fitness conditioner at the Warriors and so instead of Tom Tom we had Topsy Topsy!! "Go through Black Rod" he told Sandy "It's easy from there"!! I know where this Black Rod is gonna get inserted the next time I meet Topsy, we were LOST! Eddie Irvine (Sandy), reckoned he knew exactly where we were going as he had come the same way last year, must have got lost last year too then I thought!!
Streaking through the back streets of Chorley with litter flying from the back wheels of the Ford Granada, I felt like I was in a scene from the Sweeney - especially when FET played the theme tune on his mobile. It was thrilling stuff, and after only 20 minutes of complaining that there were no signs in Lancashire we found ourselves - back on the same street in Chorley! I disagreed with Sandy about the lack of signs and gave him a few of my own!
To cool down the red hot atmosphere inside the Sweeney Cab I thought of a question from the top of my head - "If you could be anyone in the world from 1st January 1980 to now, who would you be?" Lee obviously picked Eddie Irvine! I plumped for Simon LeBon (celeb lifestyle, wakes up with Yasmin, get my drift?), FET went for John Lennon for 11 months but RU took home the prize as he went for Fred West!!! I won't be going round to help him lay a new patio!
Anyway, we finally found the Dennis Waterman (DW) stadium and safely parked up next to the canal, which I added a few litres too - phew!!!
We ensconsed ourselves in the Main Stand, via the hospitality lounge and a swift couple, eagerly awaiting a close humdinger of a contest. But what was this? Wigan actually came out fired up and looking like a decent team, that wasn't supposed to happen (and usually didn't)! After ten minutes we were 10 - 0 down and looking like a shellshocked team, it needed some drastic action and so Rovers sent on 57 trainers in high vis vests to try and disrupt their rhythm, and it worked a treat!! By HT, we were back in it at 10 - 6 and probably should have been in front!
Back to the lounge for another cuppa(!) and FET zeroed in on Steve Hampson for a quick snap. In his day Steve was a quality full-back who was probably only behind George and myself!! I'll talk you through that afternoon in Pocklington for Ionians Ramblers one day!
A quick chat with Paul Lakin in which we all agreed that Rovers could take this game and it was time to re-take our seats.
It is probably best that the next 40 minutes are forgotten as the lads failed to get going and coughed up some pretty poor mistakes throughout. Wigan are a good outfit but I think we made them look a tad better than they actually are.
For a MOM this week it is a bit of a struggle! Shaun was playing well until injury forced him off and Wolfie ran with his usual whole-heartedness, but I'm going with Micky Vella as he tried to take the game to the Wigan forwards. Lets hope we can pick ourselves up for the Hudds game next Sunday.
I really do hope we beat them as let's face it, they aren't our favourite opposition are they?
Until we meet at the Theatre of Dreams on Sunday - keep Rallying Round.
Eddie x
SALFORD home
Charging out of the house at twenty to three on dear old trigger isn't much fun when it is cold and damp and you've just played footy for 90 minutes out in the sticks!! But, that's what the life of an athlete is like for Eddie P! Anybody who witnessed my Lance Armstrong like tour de Marfleet Lane will surely have been aghast to see me setting off all the "slow down" flashing signs as I cycled to the Theatre of Dreams. Alas, I was still too late to see Olly perform!
It wasn't all bad news though, dear old Clivvy had brought his ration books from the Crimean War which included photographs of him in the first known ad for Matchdating.com! It certainly had the Golden Girls on their toes for the whole afternoon (or was that just a nervous reaction?) Anyway, all that was missing from the Johnny Weismuller snaps was a hairy chimp - thankfully, Gav was there to take up the mantle!
What a great attendance for such an awful day against mediocre opposition too? Surely, they can't all have been there just to see Olly and his amazing talent (Mrs Eddie voted on X Factor every week for him - and Lee, and the other more talented one who got booted off before the final!) I did point out to her, in between bouts of flatulance, that voting for all of the contestants was really a meaningless exercise! I never did hear her responses properly due to the bar billiard cue being bounced off my head by her and the Eddie Juniors, they look so cute when they copy their mother!!
Anyway, to the inaugural Eddie P MOM for 2010. Was it Wolfie for his early brace? Was it Dobbo for his immaculate kicking and breakaway try? Was it Olly for his immaculate kicking at HT or Clivvy for his leopard skin trunks?
NO - I cry, the first Edwardo of the new season goes to Cookie of the Paul variety, now that we have two of 'em. Superb passes for the first two tries, running with the ball, tackling his heart out and the odd up N' under thrown in as well! The kid was superb, no matter what Larry Mullen Jnr wrote in the local rag (bloody Irish drummers - what do they know about RL anyway!)
Keep it up young man and they'll be singing their hearts out up in Kelso tonight (dear old Bill, absent friend).
So, to Wigan on Friday night and I've booked my seat in the Sandy Mobile with Uncle Fet and RU. Me and Unc have the afternoon off to have an early shandy or two and a nice nosebag at Stanley's Brasserie me thinks. Can't wait, normally a good game and atmosphere there and I've won the first try-scorer on more than one occasion too!
Hope to see all the Robins there and in full voice as usual for what promises to be a cracker.
Rally Round - Eddie x
EDDIES SEASON PREVIEW
That's easy" I said, "Carol Vorderman in a basque telling me I'm her big teddy bear"!! Not what Webmaster Kingo had in mind when he asked me for my hopes and dreams for 2010 apparently!!